Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
