just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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