if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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