walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
