dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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