i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
