My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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