You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
