somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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