i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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