3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
