i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
