she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
