She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
