You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He? As in you personified your dick?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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