You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
