We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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