just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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