I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
