This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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