I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
