Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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