sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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