i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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