I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
