Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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