I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
