I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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