Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
