the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
