Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
