I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
