her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
