It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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