Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize