She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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