My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
