i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
