and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize