He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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