Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
