I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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