dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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