im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
