Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize