is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
