dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
