yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
