My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
