I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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