I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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