We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
