For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
