who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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