i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
