Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
