The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my liver is dry heaving
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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