So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
