I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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