I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize