i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Who died my cat blue again?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
