ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You took a bar mat shot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
