my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
