My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
