Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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