so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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