I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
