I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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