The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
