I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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