The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The ass gains better be worth it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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