Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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