I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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