well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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